Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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