oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
