Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
