My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
