So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
