She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
