I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
