why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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