she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
