i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
