what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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