I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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