You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
