Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My cat gives me a boner
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
