Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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