pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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