boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
