Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
