after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
