I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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