Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
