Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
