haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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