gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
