I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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