so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
