When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
