I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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