Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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