I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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