I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
