i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
