I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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