I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
