I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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