is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
