she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
