He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
