Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
