Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize