whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a hot homeless man
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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