Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
