Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
