your thong is hanging out like whoa
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
