i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
