hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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