you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
