I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
