I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
