I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
