so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
