I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I lost the right to judge tonight
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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