So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
