So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
