you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize