My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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