Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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