FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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