? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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