doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
