the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
