So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
