honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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