We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
