i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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