worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
